Thursday, January 24, 2013


(Disclaimer: There is a picture at the bottom of this post of a urine sample.... Don't read this if that would weird you out)

Back in October 2009, when I was in a really rough patch medically, I was being threatened constantly by my Treatment Team (Care Bear and Lena at the time) that if I had a week with even the smallest of setbacks that I would be facing dire consequences... I had pushed and pushed that limit and finally one Friday, Care Bear told me that if my weight wasn't up by the time I saw her on Tuesday I would be forced to get the NG Feeding Tube. Me, being me, was not about to have that happen. I kicked and pissed and moaned and tried every angle possible to get out it...So I got onto Blogger and made a Declaration against said feeding tube (I am currently aware that writing a blog post saying that you are not going to be doing something, doesn't actually mean that...).

No Tube Tuesday (The link to this lovely decree)

 I cleverly called the day "No Tube Tuesday" and was so proud of my ability to stave off from having that night mare come true. I never got the tube while part of that team...
However, here I sit 3 years and 3 months later, having to add an amendment, a caveat to my declaration.
Earlier this week, I made a depressing little check list about all the things that I was unhappy with in my life currently..The biggest pain being the fact that my kidneys are spontaneously deciding to stop working. I mean, I am the Queen of holding my urine for almost inhumane lengths of time, but never have I faced the problem of needing to pee and not being able to.
I used to get threatened all the time that if I was going to continue to not use the restroom that they would put in a catheter and call it a day. I would push that all the way to the edge and would usually end up going while the nurse was bringing the kit down the hall...
My team currently has been trying to get me to go the doctor and get this all looked at. But, I waited and waited and waited... and then I was done waiting . So, unfortunately, I had to suck up my pride today... and get a catheter this evening. Hurts like a mo' fo....
You know what else hurts
My Golden Purse....
Except this is no where CLOSE to being Gold in color.
Mayhaps, I did wait a smidgen too long. Especially since this is all
they could get after not being able to go for almost 8 days.
like I mo'fo... Coming home from the ER with a brand new catheter only to majorly eat it on ice outside my place, knocking my head on the asphalt.
- Possible concussion: CHECK

More on this bullshit later.I'm too sore to keep thinking.