Friday, March 4, 2011

Advice

Dear Daddy,

I haven't written you in quite a while, but I have been thinking of you lately.
My heart hurts. I am lost Daddy. I cannot seem to figure things out right now. I stopped being a Day Patient too early at The Mansion and now I am completely floundering. I tried to leave and prove that I could do it more on my own. But I am failing.
Mom told me that I am acting like you. Not listening to the advice and help from myt doctors and team, ignoring how my body is reacting, pushing my limits. Her fear is that I'll continue to do it my way until my body gives in and permanent, irreversable damage will be done. She's afraid I'll die stubborn and proud like you.
I guess that recently I have been thinking about what you would say uf you were here. If I grew up with a healthier you, if we could or would have talked; what would you say? What advice would you give me?
Would you tell me to knock it off? listen to those who know, be kinder to my body?
It breaks me because I don't know what you'd say. That I can't use past things that you've said to me play them through that crazy brain of mine. I need help from wherever I can get it..
I wish that you were here so that I could ask you...
I miss you
I love you
But, I'm really sorry... I don't want to end up like you...
I need to figure this out.