Saturday, February 12, 2011

Ms. Lonely

Here's the picture.

Me...
Ativan and Ambien'd up... Sitting on my couch in my slippers and Victoria's Secret Pink sweats, watching Gilmore Girl reruns for the 398472309482473th time, patiently waiting for my anxiety to decrease, my laundry to be ready to put in the dryer and tiredness to come over me so that I can fall in to that glorious state of slumber that much of the world easily finds a place in.

me...sitting here... I'm sad...
Right now I am going through a big transition. I have been back a work for a month's worth of weekends now... and I have kept myself quite busy the whole time. I love it while I'm there. I am social, helpful, complimented on my attiture, appearance and uber amazing work ethic.... I run around a restaurant for hours helping hundreds of other people figure out exactly what they want....
For those moments. I am Stephanie... I am useful... I am personable...
I am happy.

Then... I come home...
I am by myself with the Lorelei's...
and I'm sad.

I don't know what I need to do differently in order to feel that sense of wholeness that I feel when I am around Timmy and people of Le Mansion... I have to become a normal functioning person in society again. I have bills and appointments and roommates and dishes and laundry to attend to....
But, when I am alone, it all seems so unimportant, so uneventful,
so lonely.

I need to find and fill my life with new and good connections again.
This can't be the portrait of all my Friday nights...
Must... find... normalcy...



P.S. Sorry for the "Debbie-Downerness of this post.. I shall add new cardigan pics and laughable moments soon... Just not feelin it tonight.