Sunday, February 21, 2010

Caught Me

I saw this today on this week's Post Secret,

and the only thing my oh-so-intellectual brain could think was "wow... wow..."
I don't often go all preachy-spiritual, but looking at it again now, I can't help but say that there is NO way that Heavenly Father didn't have a hand in crossing these two strangers in order to bring them comfort and relief.

I guess it blew me away because I have had this "oh-my-gosh-you-too?" feeling before.
I also can give the name of more than one person that I know without a doubt that I was supposed to meet and connect at that exact time so we could share that leg of our "life race" on the same team. And I cannot give enough gratitude in the world for them. Not surprising that most of those people are the few on the planet I let read these private blog posts of mine.
So maybe this is a shoutout to you all.

Perhaps its because of where I am in my life, and I'm not making any one person more important... but I want my dearest "D-twin" to know and hear that I know this to be true of us. I cannot fathom a way for me to ever open up about my sadness, madness and all that lies in the middle when it comes to grief, had I not connected with you. We were meant to fight on the same team of the race at the same time.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Cha Cha Cha

Most of the time I spend my time running around convinced that
yes, I have an eating disorder
yes, it has had major consequences on my life but
no, I am not a fragile weakling as a result and CAN still be normal.

Thats most of the time..

Tonight,
I am reminded that
yes, I have an eating disorder
yes, I am working my tush tush off in recovery but
no, I can not run around a dance room for extended periods of time and expect to do it like a nutritionally healthy and stable human being...

Point being,
Zumba is fun and hard and has taught me that my body DOES INDEED have limits.

Class Dismissed

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

And then... You're done.


Im in shock..
Completely.

I went into therapy today knowing that I was working on "other options" in regards to my team.
I went into therapy knowing that I was going to wait until I got the okay before I switched.
I went into therapy calm.
I walked out of therapy in tears.
Care Bear and I are a team no longer.
Its over.
WAY sooner than I thought.
I don't regret my decision...
But Im sad.

Even though things were rough between Care Bear and I; Im definitely going to miss her.


I also just realized that 2 years ago yesterday, I gave my life a chance and admitted to Le Mansion. I can only hope that this "firing" of teams almost exactly 2 years later is not slapping that chance in the face.