Wednesday, December 29, 2010
There are 22 in all.. I was 3 off from my goal of 25...
No mental bashing Stephanie.. Close is close
-A Grief Observed- C.S. Lewis
-My Stroke of Insight- Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor
-The Gift of Therapy- Irvin D. Yalom
-Beautiful Boy- David Sheff
-Biting Anorexia- Lucy Howard
-Beatrice and Virgil- Yann Martel
-The Courage to Grieve- Judy Tatelbaum
-She's Come Undone- Wally Lamb
-We have Always Lived in the Castle- Shirley Jackson
-Fablehaven #1- Brandon Mull
-Fablehaven #2- Brandon Mull
-The Weight of Silence- Heather Gudenkauf
-The Big Over Easy- Jasper Fforde
-The Memory Keeper's Daughter- Kim Edwards
-Fabelhaven #3- Brandon Mull
-Fabelhaven #4- Brandon Mull
-Fabelhaven #5- Brandon Mull
-Frankenstein- Mery Shelley
-Shades of Grey- Jasper Fforde
-Some Secrets Hurt- Linda Kay Gardner
-Choke- Chuck Palahunik
-The Shack- W.M. Paul Young
My Top 5 from the year.....
Beautiful Boy, We Have Always Lived in the Castle, Weight of Silence, Choke..
and my Fave... She's Come Undone- Wally Lamb is BRILLIANT....
Thanks for the pages of comfort and tears and laughter and wisdom 2010.... 2011.. Bring it!!!
Monday, December 27, 2010
Today I get to redeem all my missed sqeezes and smooches.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
|Oh so lovely|
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
|Me and my Love Bug Jack|
|Boo and I|
|I miss her smile and laugh ALREADY!|
In the last few weeks we have been talking a lot about our dynamic and how it is changing, where it is working, where it is lacking, etc.. etc... and after the world's longest sob fest sesh on Thurs, I finally left Timmy's office with a HUGE QUESTION....
At any other time in my life, this question would have been "the end of the world," the biggest drama, worst-case-scenario level of catastrophe. If you were to try and tell me that Timmy and Teffie aren't the "best team EVER," I probably wouldn't just laugh in your face, I'd throw some freshly made, secret recipe, Cheesecake Factory whip cream at you too..
But, shockingly... I am not feeling as "Apocalypse Now!" as I thought I would. If the decision is to have me switch T's and see someone new... yes... I will be sad... devastated and have to spend some time working through that transition... AND... I will be extremely relieved that we aren't ending with one of us "firing" the other, angry, resentful, confused and without closure. It will happen because, I am trying, for maybe the first time ever, to TRULY decide how I actually am going to heal (for GOOD), what I need to in order to get there, and how I'm actually going to get those things taken care of.
This may not make sense to any of you.... But, somewhere inside, it makes sense to me... and I'm sure if I can push past this Lame Update Cycle I've been in, more goodies are forthcoming....
So, hello again blogging world....
Monday, July 5, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
So, I'll start out small, by tributing my favorite show for the summer... So You Think You Can Dance! The show never fails to give me chills, makes me want to sign up for a beginner's dance class with a bunch of talented 3 year olds and keeps me up dancing around my bedroom critiquing my "lines" or my "buck-ness"
Monday, May 24, 2010
Why, do you ask?
Because you unfortunately can't serve on the Patio when the evil clouds of doom decide to drop SNOW on your tables.
Holy Grrrrrr of anger
Upside for today. I got to see these pictures of the sibs, that I am dying to drive home to see in only 12 days..
This little sweetpea is enjoying her first pedicure with her momma this weekend in preparation to celebrate with.... This fine little stud who GRADUATED from Preschool yesterday! I am so proud of him. For all his smarts and art projects that got him through school... and also proud of how amazingly handsome an almost 5 year old can look in a cap and gown...
I wish I could have been there... soon.. very soon, I shall be getting my J-Bubby squeeze!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Hopefully my picture on the Milk Carton (preferably vanilla soy) reminded you what I looked like.
I don't know if I am actually coming back to the world of blogging fully yet. But, I know that this disappearing act isn't working..
Here is my Mini-update... Things are busy, especially in that marvelous brain of mine. Actually expressing and showing emotions is SO new to me, so I'm still trying to find the ground after a sesh with Timmy these past few weeks. Not that all tears are "bad," or that finding myself distrught is counterproductive...
I am fortunately and unfortunately realising that this is all this drated emotion schtuff is important to do. The small ounces of pain I am "allowing" to come out have rocked the bod physically, proving right all of those people who told me that being the stone cold rock was horrible for me physically.
It seems like a "duh" moment, but No-friggin-woonder-my-body-has-been-refusing-to-work-for-me...
They are just sucking me dry.
I also am missing my family... all of them.
Weird! (Esp. to those who actually know me).
That's definately a new one. I am getting more and more excited to take my road trip at the start of June back to Cali to celebrate my JBubby's 5th Birthday with him.
He called to ask me personally to "please come home and squeeze me."
I won't miss it for the world.
This post is random and plotless. I'll jumble more stuff around and come up with something more readable soon.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Just wanted to share a few of my favorite quotes.
Betty- "Tonight's Lecture... How many brain cells did I kill last night?"
"Make a wish"
Roshanda- "Custody of my kids.."
Gerhart-"My foreskin back. No one asked me before they took it... They just took it."
Oliver- "Way to share Gerhart... Way to share."
This one kills me.. LOVE LOVE it
Can I say one more time how much I LOVE this movie? Gerhart may be my #2 person of people I wish I had as a friend list... right after Tracy of course. The last quote always kills me. It makes me wonder how many tangents like that Timmy (or any T really) has heard over the course of her time at Le Mansion.
must.. learn... how..
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Today was Kendall's memorial. I have been both very excited and very scared for today. The plan was for Brie to read a letter she wrote to her baby girl and then to send off white balloons; pure, whole and angelic in her memory. I am so proud of her for taking that step to face her loss and turn it into something freeing and healing. To stand without her daughter on her due date; cry, smile, laugh and celebrate her baby girl before sending off a present to Kendall in Heaven more than amazes me.
She told me a while ago that I should write a letter to you, for it to also be part of my healing process. I thought a lot about it, tried to think what I would say, but I got to the point where I stopped. I know that I am not quite ready to let the string go yet
and that is okay...
I was nervous that I would get all emotional and look silly there at the park. Well, I did cry in public and I didn't get embarrased... miracle right???
When we went to let the balloons go, I just kept watching Brie. She was silently crying, smiled, gave her balloon one last little kiss and set it free. I held tighter to my string, almost desperately deciding to not let it go... when I imagined you and Kendall, sitting together, smiling and anxiously waiting for our simple gifts to travel all that way to you.
Even if not scientifically possible, I gathered all the good I have left inside me, "squeezed it" into the string for you both with my fist...
I know you'll know which one is mine Daddy... it had a few of my rare precious tears on it.
Spoil Kendall today Daddy. Hug her for me. Hug her for Brie and Brandon and Caden.
We have named April 6th "Kendall Day" and we plan on sending little white reminders and lots of smiles each time the date passes. I am beyond grateful that I got to do this today.
I think that I desperately needed to see that there can be good even after tragedy.
Both of your lives were short, taken from those who love you too soon.
I miss you so much.
I promise that I will never let you go forgotten. I see your loss and life all around me more and more each day.
I'm finishing this letter almost blind from tears and with a smile on my face because I can see Ken and Kendall dancing; free, happy and in a room full of white balloons.
I love you Kendall Penny and Kenneth Lawrence.
Happy Kendall Day Daddy!
You are good
I am your Teffie and
I love you.
Tomorrow we celebrate your day. A day we all thought would be spent together crying. We'd gather around you and your mommy to marvel that this new tiny life we'd been waiting for is finally here.
It has been so painful ro know that we all will miss out on that blessing.
It's overwhelming for me to see how much I have learned from you. More good has been done in your extremly short life than some people ever dream of accomplishing. It is heartbreaking to have you gone, but I truly believe that your sacrifice has shown your mommy that your love for each other would be enough to save her.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
I miss you Kendall. I miss you Daddy.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
The jury is still out on what in the world I shall name my lovely yellow wonder; any suggestions?
I found this little home for my new baby to live in . I am very excited for it to get here. My cute little netbook family is growing even more complete.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
I just thought that today would be the PERFECT day to give you some insider tips.. (that is sooo sweet of me right?)...
Friday, March 26, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Marie Osmond had not planned to speak at her son Michael Bryan's funeral.
But as the service drew near an end Monday afternoon, she stood and addressed hundreds of mourners at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Chapel in Provo, Utah, who included her show business brothers, seven surviving children, and one unexpected invited guest: the biological mother of Michael, who was adopted.
"I'd just like to say thank you to everybody," she said. "As you see I have amazing support from great men, my family, my brothers. God was very wise when he put me into a family with honorable men because they have served as examples for my children."
And so, Osmond, 50, said she wanted to use this occasion of horrible grief to "honor my children."
"I'm so proud of each and every one of you," she said. "I'm proud of my son and I honor his birthmother who's here today, who gave me the greatest gift. Thank you for those beautiful 18 years."
Marie then joined all of her brothers in singing the closing hymn, "God Be with You Till We Meet Again."
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Im in shock..