Tuesday, October 6, 2009

My Teenage Tantrum

Another day....
Another appointment.
I believe that I have had to see some a professional of some kind almost daily since I got here.
SO OVER IT...
Here's today
Got a call from my last doc (Kelly) writing the order for me to go get another EKG done to see if there was change. As I can't find a time that works for me AND the lab for my new doc, the labs my dietician wanted done like 4 days ago..still aren't done.. I called Kelly asking her to please send the lab order with the other so I could save time and do them together. Her nurse kindly called back to tell me that Kelly was not going to write the order as the labs that I did a week and a half ago were normal so there was "no point.." Awesome... The big red sparkly bow on top of this gift of a day was the copy of my test with the words "normal EKG" near the top. WTF!
The immediate scream in my head was, "I FLIPPIN TOLD YOU I was fine!!!!"

Now, I AM happy and relieved that it improved and not worsening, but why in the world did Le Mansion FREAK OUT at me like they did. Seems a tad dramatic if 2 weeks of basically the same intake would change it back.
Obviously, not as cruicial, severe, scary as they made it out to be.
All of this rollercoaster stress of team-no team-inpatient-crap im screwed-scramble-new team.... was completely unnecessary.

I like the people I am now working with... but at what cost...
I am physically exhausted, emotionally strung out and mentally fried.
I have started to doubt my ability to suceed as an outpatient, "because the professionals said so"

Maybe worst of all....the place and people I was taught I could lean on and trust turned their cheek... telling me I wasn't acceptable "as is"... that putting me back in a box was my only way to freedom. Perhaps I should be happy that I could technically team back up with them...
only now I don't want to...

This doesn't feel like progress...