Tuesday, October 13, 2009

No Tube Tuesday

I had a LOT of pressure put on me today to "not suck at life" (a.k.a. my meal plan) in order to keep my team.
Not only would I lose my new team; I would be AUTOMATICALLY sent to the hospital for a mandatory admit for wt.

When this threat was given on Friday, my roommate and I decided to endearingly call today
"No Tube Tuesday"
It seemed fitting and was humorous enough to keep me from crying about this reality.

Even though I did everything that Lena told me I was nervous that it wasn't going to be enough. That despite my valliant efforts I was going to be sporting a paper gown for my fall fashion.
Not cool...
When I got there this morning Care Bear decided to weigh me first to determine what we were to process through in therapy.
Heart was doing some kind of quick step until she said, "You're good. You made it..."

I already knew that I liked my new therapist; but she continues to amaze me at how gentle she can be. This is a complete 180 from the loud, blunt, almost crude woman who was constantly pushing my buttons as an inpatient....
I liked that crazy therapist; but I don't mind this side either.
It is a feeling that I can't explain when she looked in my eyes and was able to validate my almost year long silent struggle. In that moment she dropped her previos belief that I was just being an attention-seeking brat (who still has her appearances) and realized what was really up. All the while, keeping calm and comforting.
I no longer feel that strong hurt from Le Mansion; as I removed their title as
"The only people who can help me"
While they are still lifesavers, it was time for me to grow up and figuratively move out.

Phew.... No Tube Tuesday ended up being okay. This was not a holiday I was looking foward to.
Instead of panic and fear; I am feeling very grateful.