Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Cooler than Ever

Really... really... REALLY long morning.
I went and met with the Clinical Director at Le Mansion this fine AM...
And while Cole doesn't intimidate me, I am not used to all this honesty and openness; which really is quite exhausting.

New twist in this whole, "Lets find 10000000 ways to overwhelm Stephanie yet still recover" movement... I was offered a shorter stay as an Inpatient, because after Cole talked with me, she could see how I wasn't just some delusional walking-talking eating disorder... that I was at least partially sane and truly motivated to work.

Does this mean that I am going to go??? no... but it does give them a few extra brownie points. (Pun intended and not intended). My biggest problem is that there is still a TON of pride in my way of actually admitting that inpatient is even on my list of options. I honestly like being able to say that I am working hard as an OP and that I am pretty fully functioning and don't need to be kept away from the world in a box in order to move foward.

I guess it was just nice to go today and FINALLY get someone there to validate that I was sterotyped and judged harshly and prematurely before. They unintentionally treated me like a number instead of taking a half hour (like Cole did) and figuring out what my true motives were.

My favorite lines from that convo today...

Me: "I really am not a pain in the butt like I used to be..."
Cole:"I know...I'm actually impressed with you. You have matured a LOT since you left here. Don't take this the wrong way... But you are cooler than I thought you were"
(and later when her phone wouldn't stop ringing)
Cole: "UGH.. why can't I just hang here with you instead of dealing with all this garbage?"
Me: "well.. you could tell them that I was such a danger to myself you had to remove all cords from your office, including the phone..."
Cole: (*big smile*) "That's actually brialliant"

Bottom line: It was nice to be treated like an actual human... thanks Cole.