Monday, August 31, 2009

Hope They Allow Pillows

So, I haven't written in a long time.... You'd think that was because I was just being uber busy (which is basically true); though not entirely. I have signed in a bunch of times, wanting to get something down and posted but then deciding on something less productive to do with my time.
I have nothing poetic to say tonight either; just wanted to leave a lil' update for any who want one.
My last day at work is one week from Tues. I am excited, nervous, ready and sad all at the same time. I have found family at The Cheese and there are a few I am going to have a hard time parting with. (I'll also miss being able to write my own schedule...)
I will hopefully be all moved and settled quite soon after that so that I can spend my birthday with people my own age... the big two-one... Milestone here people... milestone. Then, as long as Max stops procrastinating, I will be transferred and meeting my "Cheese family #2" a week after that.. Fingers crossed...
I have been spending most of my time at work, or not being at the new house, or not caring enough to argue about my car/move/money/choices...etc... Explanation.. I work a TON to keep me distracted from my "stressors".... The new house (which is truly beautiful and HUGE) makes me surprisingly angry; so I avoid it there... and arguing is just not my forte so, I'm really trying to steer clear of the parentals right now.
Also, I think there was both a verbal and non-verbal decision as well to restart working through my craziness upon my return to the Wasatch. I have been sporadically emailing and updating Timmy and when I told her about the move... it seems as though we will not be working together again....
Do I blame her? no... as much as we get along and love each other, I totally understand that I am not the easiest client; (thank you to my lovely sarcasm and complete disregard of emotion.....) I also haven't seen her or talked to her to show my level of commitment; which would explain some hesitation on her end...
I get it... I know that... "On paper".... I suck. No doubt about that.. But, spend 5 minutes talking to me... and there's no doubt that I'm ready and willing to really go at it... Its no bueno to get denied by one who promised they'd never leave.... What does that tell ya???
so again...
Do I blame her? no... she's probably right in steering clear...
Am I bummed? unbelievably so.
But I am still moving, and I still made the committment to try therapy again.
It's been almost 11 months since I've sat on a couch.
And even though it wont be Timmy's, I can't back out of that choice now.